I found words and sentences forming in my mind this morning, so I began to write them down. I then wrote three pages, almost without pausing. The words just kept coming and the sentences forming in my mind, so I kept writing. This is different to how I’ve done morning pages/journalling up until now. Usually I have to make myself start, then fill in with some mundane details about the day or whatever is on my mind, before the writing takes an unexpected tangent and quite often the one train of thought comes to an end and I have to search for another. So today seemed like quite a breakthrough in the journalling process. I have to admit my thoughts weren’t very cheerful, they were about how today I didn’t really want to journey within and do any soul searching or examining of my inner self. I guess it’s ironic really that that was my starting point for three pages on the matter.
I did my painting late afternoon, that seems to be a time I’m most in the painting mood. Today I decided to make some backgrounds to paint on. I often find I’ve painted something where the image has evolved intuitively where from a design point of view I’ve thought, if I’d planned what I was going to paint, I would have painted a background first. So today I tried that. I mixed white paint with pink and green, but loosely to aim at a marbled effect. The right side I painted with a large brush and the left I scraped on with a plastic palette knife. I then left it to dry whilst I had a rest and did my Headspace meditation.
I did some gardening and housework today so I had mostly worn myself out. I find it as difficult to understand my energy levels myself so I can understand why others would find the ME/CFS condition difficult to understand. Earlier in the day, after breakfast, I got back into bed feeling very dizzy and it took me a while to convince myself a shower would make me feel better, after that I found myself journal writing. Then I took a cup of tea out into the garden and found myself doing a few garden tidying things, I often find with gardening I get carried away in the moment, I guess in what’s called the ‘flow’ state and I find energy from somewhere. Then afterwards I find myself sitting on the sofa, without the energy to move, until I find myself later in the day doing some vacuuming or something. Then later when I rest, I feel all the tiredness and aches hit me again and I often feel like my legs will never move again, then suddenly they do.
So I forced myself to stop resting earlier than I would otherwise have done, and finished my painting. I didn’t have a plan for it but thought I would like to try using a finer brush. The pattern of wavy lines began to build up and I used different shades of blue. At first it made me think of tributaries of a river or the way they flow into the sea (can’t remember proper word from geography) but by the time I finished I was thinking of neurons in the brain and the way synapses connect with each other, more like a neurological map. See photograph below.
I did my painting late afternoon, that seems to be a time I’m most in the painting mood. Today I decided to make some backgrounds to paint on. I often find I’ve painted something where the image has evolved intuitively where from a design point of view I’ve thought, if I’d planned what I was going to paint, I would have painted a background first. So today I tried that. I mixed white paint with pink and green, but loosely to aim at a marbled effect. The right side I painted with a large brush and the left I scraped on with a plastic palette knife. I then left it to dry whilst I had a rest and did my Headspace meditation.
I did some gardening and housework today so I had mostly worn myself out. I find it as difficult to understand my energy levels myself so I can understand why others would find the ME/CFS condition difficult to understand. Earlier in the day, after breakfast, I got back into bed feeling very dizzy and it took me a while to convince myself a shower would make me feel better, after that I found myself journal writing. Then I took a cup of tea out into the garden and found myself doing a few garden tidying things, I often find with gardening I get carried away in the moment, I guess in what’s called the ‘flow’ state and I find energy from somewhere. Then afterwards I find myself sitting on the sofa, without the energy to move, until I find myself later in the day doing some vacuuming or something. Then later when I rest, I feel all the tiredness and aches hit me again and I often feel like my legs will never move again, then suddenly they do.
So I forced myself to stop resting earlier than I would otherwise have done, and finished my painting. I didn’t have a plan for it but thought I would like to try using a finer brush. The pattern of wavy lines began to build up and I used different shades of blue. At first it made me think of tributaries of a river or the way they flow into the sea (can’t remember proper word from geography) but by the time I finished I was thinking of neurons in the brain and the way synapses connect with each other, more like a neurological map. See photograph below.
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