Day 1 Creative Recovery

So I did do my morning pages/journaling in the morning today, between drinking my celery juice (you might be wondering why I drink this, it’s supposed to cure everything and I thought it was worth a try for more information look up the Medical Medium, you might still then ask why). I didn’t really want to do it, I was feeling tired and had a headache but I thought I can’t fail on the first day. There was an amount of resistance around doing it though. Once I started writing, more and more of the constant chatter in my brain started to reveal itself on the page, it’s amazing how much internal narrative is there all the time that I’m usually not fully aware of. About two and a half pages in I was running out of brain chatter so I wrote about the strange dream I had last night. I think Jungian analysts would approve, not that I know any.

A bit later I did the painting, again there was a lot of resistance, I wanted to put off doing it, I was feeling tired and like I could do with a lie down and still had the headache (ME/cfs makes things complicated but I’m trying to make sure I’m not using it as an excuse). So anyway, I had to start by clearing my desk of all the debris that had been there untouched for weeks. Then I opened the paints, palette, sketchbook, paintbrushes and two canvas boards that I bought yesterday. That was kind of exciting, the phrase ‘all the gear, no idea’ came to mind. Also realised the cheap sketchbook I bought contains very cheap paper. I bought cheap stuff for a couple of reasons, one so that I wouldn’t feel too precious about them and worry about ‘spoiling or wasting’ materials and two, I’m on a budget!

I used a palette knife to apply paint to start with, using my new plastic palette to mix on, turns out not the best palette I could of bought. I was torn between wanting to use a lot of paint and pile it on and already worrying about if I had enough paint, will it last the month and will I have to buy more. I think with some colours I might have to. I also noticed I feel I need to use up all the paint on my palette. I enjoyed applying the paint usng the palette knife and the brushes and found myself making decisions about colour and mark making without any preconceived ideas about what I might do. I also enjoyed mixing colours which is something I haven’t done for a long time. The final results are shown below. 

I’m writing this blog as a record for myself and as an opportunity for reflection. It also serves as a way of making myself accountable. I’m not expecting lots of people to be interested, but if you are that’s great. Please let me know.