I travelled home today, so no more sunny Somerset, back in the Midlands now. I got home early afternoon, it seems strange to be home again. After a while unpacking I had a rest for a then I wrote my journal (loosely based on morning pages). I started journalling about how odd it seemed to be home, and why does my house smell funny and does it smell like that normally, then wrote a list of housework jobs that I intend to do in the very near future. Unfortunately having ME/CFS makes housework extra challenging and of course it’s another choice I have to make about what I use my energy on, assuming I have enough energy that day for anything much.
Then my thoughts moved on to thinking about the fact that if it felt odd to come home after a week. Maybe I’m not that emotionally attached to living here and that thought opened up the possibility of living somewhere else in my mind. I also wrote about wanting a greater sense of freedom which seems to be a theme for me at the minute and wondering if I could ever be the sort of person who travels a lot and doesn’t get weighed down by too many possessions. Perhaps I was wondering this because I had just unpacked a great deal of ‘necessary’stuff that I had taken with me for a week away. Part of me would like to be more of a nomad, which might seem strange to anyone who knows me (I don’t even like camping). I guess it’s as much about imagining I could be a different type of person, one for which these things were possible. Yes technically they’re not impossible for me, but I am a long way from there at the moment. I have to acknowledge that I need the comfort and safety of ‘home’, get anxious about travelling, and have a lot of ‘necessary stuff’.
I was back in my little home ‘studio’, which is my spare room with two small desks and a floor standing weaving loom squeezed into it. My mood was more tranquil and considered painting today. I also have a large new tube of white acrylic paint that I was excited to use, as I have been rationing out the white paint up to now. I found myself painting in just black and white. This brought the phrase black and white thinking into mind. So of course I had to made some of it gray. I liked the texture and mark making that happened with a more generous amount of paint. On the right hand page, I started with a circle of pink in the middle. I used pink, ochre and white to create different shades of pink. The affect made me think of lipstick colours and makeup samples. I sort of feel this painting is unfinished, like maybe I wanted to include some grays and muted turquoises, but time and energy were against me this evening, so it is at it is. I have to confess I often need a short rest halfway through my painting sessions and I did tonight. Finding the extra energy and time has been a bigger part of the challenge of doing this project than I anticipated. Image is below.
Then my thoughts moved on to thinking about the fact that if it felt odd to come home after a week. Maybe I’m not that emotionally attached to living here and that thought opened up the possibility of living somewhere else in my mind. I also wrote about wanting a greater sense of freedom which seems to be a theme for me at the minute and wondering if I could ever be the sort of person who travels a lot and doesn’t get weighed down by too many possessions. Perhaps I was wondering this because I had just unpacked a great deal of ‘necessary’stuff that I had taken with me for a week away. Part of me would like to be more of a nomad, which might seem strange to anyone who knows me (I don’t even like camping). I guess it’s as much about imagining I could be a different type of person, one for which these things were possible. Yes technically they’re not impossible for me, but I am a long way from there at the moment. I have to acknowledge that I need the comfort and safety of ‘home’, get anxious about travelling, and have a lot of ‘necessary stuff’.
I was back in my little home ‘studio’, which is my spare room with two small desks and a floor standing weaving loom squeezed into it. My mood was more tranquil and considered painting today. I also have a large new tube of white acrylic paint that I was excited to use, as I have been rationing out the white paint up to now. I found myself painting in just black and white. This brought the phrase black and white thinking into mind. So of course I had to made some of it gray. I liked the texture and mark making that happened with a more generous amount of paint. On the right hand page, I started with a circle of pink in the middle. I used pink, ochre and white to create different shades of pink. The affect made me think of lipstick colours and makeup samples. I sort of feel this painting is unfinished, like maybe I wanted to include some grays and muted turquoises, but time and energy were against me this evening, so it is at it is. I have to confess I often need a short rest halfway through my painting sessions and I did tonight. Finding the extra energy and time has been a bigger part of the challenge of doing this project than I anticipated. Image is below.
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