I started with painting today. I decided to mix up a dark colour, I used red, blue and green colours and made a very dark green. I used a small flat brush and started mark making on the right hand page. I found myself making the marks into a palm tree 🌴 silhouette. I was in two minds as to whether to go with the palm tree image as I generally prefer to paint more abstractly than figuratively, but I decided I should go with what came to me naturally and not try and ignore it or stifle it. So I painted two more palm trees. I balanced this with painting the top half of the opposite page, still using the small brush and painting in crossing diagonal brush strokes. I had in mind something like the night sky, so added more blue to the paint mix. I was thinking about where to go next with it, maybe oranges and reds like a sunset behind the palm trees, maybe something like sand beneath the sky, or some stars. Then I felt really tired and knew it was time for a break. I thought maybe I’d come back to the painting later.
But the rest of my day didn’t really work out that way, my parents came round late afternoon to help me with some housework and gardening jobs, they are good to me like that. I feel guilty sometimes about the way I need to rely on them so much at my age, but since I became ill have needed their help more. I often feel I should be doing more to help them. Also the thing about ME/CFS is you lose quite a lot of your independence. I am actually lucky to have the amount of independence I still do considering how the illness can effect people more severely and I have improved since the time I first became very ill. It is slow progress though.
That leads me on to my journalling which I did after my painting, rest and Headspace. I have to admit today’s writing was quite negative in tone, I wasn’t in a very good mood at the time. So I got it all out of my system in two and a half pages of complaining and being grumpy. I guess it was good to see what was on my mind causing my grumpiness. The last half a page was about a memory I had of an art project I did at home aged 18. Which led me to thinking about my life at home with my family growing up. I realised that my inner child part of me is still missing home, or something about living at home. Logically it doesn’t make sense, because I know there’s not a particular time I want to go back to and I know that there wasn’t one time when everything was all good. There was always a lot of anxiety about going to school for example. I think I miss the closeness I had with my siblings and in a way the palm trees made me think of that, the way two of them are more distant and the front one is leaning towards them. I decided to leave the painting as it was, just one colour, I think it works in it’s minimal way. Image below.
But the rest of my day didn’t really work out that way, my parents came round late afternoon to help me with some housework and gardening jobs, they are good to me like that. I feel guilty sometimes about the way I need to rely on them so much at my age, but since I became ill have needed their help more. I often feel I should be doing more to help them. Also the thing about ME/CFS is you lose quite a lot of your independence. I am actually lucky to have the amount of independence I still do considering how the illness can effect people more severely and I have improved since the time I first became very ill. It is slow progress though.
That leads me on to my journalling which I did after my painting, rest and Headspace. I have to admit today’s writing was quite negative in tone, I wasn’t in a very good mood at the time. So I got it all out of my system in two and a half pages of complaining and being grumpy. I guess it was good to see what was on my mind causing my grumpiness. The last half a page was about a memory I had of an art project I did at home aged 18. Which led me to thinking about my life at home with my family growing up. I realised that my inner child part of me is still missing home, or something about living at home. Logically it doesn’t make sense, because I know there’s not a particular time I want to go back to and I know that there wasn’t one time when everything was all good. There was always a lot of anxiety about going to school for example. I think I miss the closeness I had with my siblings and in a way the palm trees made me think of that, the way two of them are more distant and the front one is leaning towards them. I decided to leave the painting as it was, just one colour, I think it works in it’s minimal way. Image below.
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