I did my morning pages, in the morning. I had breakfast etc first so it wasn’t quite so early. I sat outside in the garden with a cup of tea to do it as it wasn’t raining today and the sun was nearly out. I found myself writing about how hard I find it to put creative work out into the world and also just put myself out into the world. I started to write about this pattern and where it came from and got into some quite deep emotional stuff that I really hadn’t planned or expected to. Although I am writing this on a blog, I haven’t publicised it on social media or really told a lot of people I’m doing this. I’m encountering a lot of internal resistance and negative self talk with this project so it’s amazing I’ve made it to day two. I am having thoughts about it being over ambitious for me and how can I fit it into my day, everyday? With the chronic fatigue my energy is limited and I find myself thinking I need to do other things, especially housework or gardening. I think I’ve always had this thought pattern though, chronic fatigue just makes the choices more acute because of limited energy.
I found myself writing a poem last night. Which is very unlike me. I’ve probably only ever attempted poetry at school when forced to. I’m not saying it’s good, but it happened! It was about what is an artist’s identity. I might put it on here sometime, I suppose I should, I did say I would post things I’d written. Create without judgement right?! Share without worrying about being judged. If only it was that easy.
I did my painting later in the day, after lunch. I didn’t really feel like doing it, I was feeling very tired before lunch and had to have a lie down. But it was on my mind, not in a good way, like a chore that you know you need to do but don’t want to. I didn’t spend that long on the painting today. I squeezed paint directly onto the paper which was quite satisfying then spread it around with a couple of palette knives. I tried a sponge brush but I found it very messy and it sort of made all the colours mix together into mud. Also I’m not too keen on the smell of the paint. I bought acrylics because they are cheaper than oils and I knew I couldn’t cope with the smell of them although oils are so nice to use. I’m very sensitive to smells and perfumes, they can trigger migraines and make me feel unwell, it’s called chemical sensitivity and is common with chronic fatigue syndrome. Despite my resistance to starting the painting, I did enjoy doing it once I’d started. Images of day 2 painting below.
I found myself writing a poem last night. Which is very unlike me. I’ve probably only ever attempted poetry at school when forced to. I’m not saying it’s good, but it happened! It was about what is an artist’s identity. I might put it on here sometime, I suppose I should, I did say I would post things I’d written. Create without judgement right?! Share without worrying about being judged. If only it was that easy.
I did my painting later in the day, after lunch. I didn’t really feel like doing it, I was feeling very tired before lunch and had to have a lie down. But it was on my mind, not in a good way, like a chore that you know you need to do but don’t want to. I didn’t spend that long on the painting today. I squeezed paint directly onto the paper which was quite satisfying then spread it around with a couple of palette knives. I tried a sponge brush but I found it very messy and it sort of made all the colours mix together into mud. Also I’m not too keen on the smell of the paint. I bought acrylics because they are cheaper than oils and I knew I couldn’t cope with the smell of them although oils are so nice to use. I’m very sensitive to smells and perfumes, they can trigger migraines and make me feel unwell, it’s called chemical sensitivity and is common with chronic fatigue syndrome. Despite my resistance to starting the painting, I did enjoy doing it once I’d started. Images of day 2 painting below.
Comments
Post a Comment