I reflected a bit this morning on it being day 20. Time really does seem to go by so quickly and also part of me is amazed that I’ve managed to complete the challenge so far. There has been some days when I really thought I wouldn’t make it and I’ve found the commitment and motivation from somewhere to actually complete the journalling, painting and writing a blog post. Often the voice in my head says, what does it matter if you don’t get it all done today, no one cares but you. It’s a self set challenge, there’s no set achievement at the end, no certificate or cash prize, so why have I carried on and why does it seem so important to me? I’m not really sure how to answer that, but I think it is important that I can keep my word to myself and to actually achieve what I’ve set out to do.
In my journal today, I found myself writing about lots of ideas I’ve been having about possibilities for my life and also new directions for my art work. Part of the unwritten aspirations for this project was the hope that it would make me more creative or at least restore something that may have faded a little in that area. So I was quite pleased to find myself having lots of creative ideas for future artwork. I actually wrote something along the lines of, ‘I’m always good at ideas though but not so good at putting them into practice’. Which is another thing I think has been important to do this project, because it was an idea that I had that I have taken action towards and put into practice.
My painting this afternoon was done using yellow, orange, red and white. I have to say I don’t especially like the colours in the painting, they don’t really appeal to my sense of taste. I found it difficult today to paint without making judgments, the kind of judgements you make about colour and design and taste. Mostly negative judgments I suppose I’m talking about, ‘I don’t like this, this isn’t straight, everything I paint is wonky, I don’t like these colours etc.’ With the intuitive approach to painting I’ve been trying to just paint and see what happens and to release judgement, because it’s not about making a great artwork or piece of design. But inevitably when I paint I am making decisions all the time, which colour, which brush, what kind of brush strokes, balancing colours in the composition, it’s impossible to paint without making some kind of decisions and therefore judgment has to play a role. I think it’s the negative judgements it’s difficult to let go of, but do they have a place, well maybe if they’re used for reflection and improvement in the creative process, but do I need to aim for improvement with these paintings? I don’t think I do, but there’s part of me that finds that approach hard to let go of. The negative judgements are a problem when you beat yourself up with them, when they are another way of saying to yourself you’re not good enough, will never be good enough, just give up now, what’s the point...it’s that sort of thing you have to watch out for, because it is not helpful and it is not your friend. Today’s very pink and orange painting below.
In my journal today, I found myself writing about lots of ideas I’ve been having about possibilities for my life and also new directions for my art work. Part of the unwritten aspirations for this project was the hope that it would make me more creative or at least restore something that may have faded a little in that area. So I was quite pleased to find myself having lots of creative ideas for future artwork. I actually wrote something along the lines of, ‘I’m always good at ideas though but not so good at putting them into practice’. Which is another thing I think has been important to do this project, because it was an idea that I had that I have taken action towards and put into practice.
My painting this afternoon was done using yellow, orange, red and white. I have to say I don’t especially like the colours in the painting, they don’t really appeal to my sense of taste. I found it difficult today to paint without making judgments, the kind of judgements you make about colour and design and taste. Mostly negative judgments I suppose I’m talking about, ‘I don’t like this, this isn’t straight, everything I paint is wonky, I don’t like these colours etc.’ With the intuitive approach to painting I’ve been trying to just paint and see what happens and to release judgement, because it’s not about making a great artwork or piece of design. But inevitably when I paint I am making decisions all the time, which colour, which brush, what kind of brush strokes, balancing colours in the composition, it’s impossible to paint without making some kind of decisions and therefore judgment has to play a role. I think it’s the negative judgements it’s difficult to let go of, but do they have a place, well maybe if they’re used for reflection and improvement in the creative process, but do I need to aim for improvement with these paintings? I don’t think I do, but there’s part of me that finds that approach hard to let go of. The negative judgements are a problem when you beat yourself up with them, when they are another way of saying to yourself you’re not good enough, will never be good enough, just give up now, what’s the point...it’s that sort of thing you have to watch out for, because it is not helpful and it is not your friend. Today’s very pink and orange painting below.
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