I generally didn’t feel very well today, nothing specific, just not the best, a bit of a worse rather than better day health wise, especially in the morning. But I soldiered on with my Creative Recovery and completed my journaling/journalling/morning pages and painting. My writing today was a curious mixture of mundane stuff on my mind, life things I need to order and the weather and contemplating the nature of living in the moment.
‘I must try more to live in the moment and appreciate the experience I’m having now, as it’s so fleeting. I think that’s what’s so difficult about living in the now, it feels so intangible, as soon as you think, this is the moment, the moment is over and it only exists at all then in your memory. I think although the past and the future are both as intangible...they both feel more concrete somehow.’
So that’s me having moments of insightfulness! I also found myself contemplating if I had more energy what would I do with it and if all I can come up with is make the house and garden tidier, then maybe I don’t deserve more energy. Then continued onto thinking about how black and white thinking shows up in my routines and whether it’s a help or a hindrance.
I didn’t really feel in the mood for painting today, I tried putting on music to see if that helped. on the right hand page I squeezed three different yellows onto the paper and spread the colour around with a large flat brush. On the left page, I painted something like a rainbow 🌈 or the colours of the chakras until I ran out of space for indigo and violet. Then I painted the middle with pink. I thought at this point that I was finished but I felt I wanted to paint something over the yellow. I found myself painting a face which I think is probably a self portrait. It’s not the best representation because it is from memory and I wasn’t looking at any visual references. I’m not sure what to think of the face at the moment, maybe it’ll become more clear with time. It also made me wish I’d practiced painting faces more over the years but I suppose that’s the inner perfectionist wanting to be ‘good’ at everything. Painting is below.
‘I must try more to live in the moment and appreciate the experience I’m having now, as it’s so fleeting. I think that’s what’s so difficult about living in the now, it feels so intangible, as soon as you think, this is the moment, the moment is over and it only exists at all then in your memory. I think although the past and the future are both as intangible...they both feel more concrete somehow.’
So that’s me having moments of insightfulness! I also found myself contemplating if I had more energy what would I do with it and if all I can come up with is make the house and garden tidier, then maybe I don’t deserve more energy. Then continued onto thinking about how black and white thinking shows up in my routines and whether it’s a help or a hindrance.
I didn’t really feel in the mood for painting today, I tried putting on music to see if that helped. on the right hand page I squeezed three different yellows onto the paper and spread the colour around with a large flat brush. On the left page, I painted something like a rainbow 🌈 or the colours of the chakras until I ran out of space for indigo and violet. Then I painted the middle with pink. I thought at this point that I was finished but I felt I wanted to paint something over the yellow. I found myself painting a face which I think is probably a self portrait. It’s not the best representation because it is from memory and I wasn’t looking at any visual references. I’m not sure what to think of the face at the moment, maybe it’ll become more clear with time. It also made me wish I’d practiced painting faces more over the years but I suppose that’s the inner perfectionist wanting to be ‘good’ at everything. Painting is below.
Comments
Post a Comment