So my energy hit a bit of a crash today, I’m not surprised really after a busy few days and not resting as much as usual. Not just my physical energy but mentally I felt a bit foggy and muddled too today so I was quite surprised to find my journalling actually flowed well and was pretty insightful. Yesterday I was having lots of ideas for new things I want to bring into my life and they were all pretty big goals and for some reason, yesterday everything seemed possible. Today I experienced the opposite of that as the hopeless thoughts made all those ideas seem intangible and impossible to achieve.
So this is what I started writing about. I noticed this was my ‘black and white thinking’ kicking in so I had a good word with myself about keeping making positive steps towards things I want to do. Break them down into manageable steps, don’t get discouraged if things don’t go as you hoped, don’t give up when you feel rejected or like you failed. I told myself all the reasons it’s important for me to continue to peruse my interests and goals and to explore what is authentic to me ‘follow up on the clues as to who you are and why you might be here’. Remember if you don’t you withdraw and feel sad and depressed. But watch out for all of the voices including your own that try to talk you out of it. Try to persue for its own sake and not for external validation and recognition, because ultimately that is still looking for external acceptance because you feel ‘wrong or not enough’. Aim for change through growth and not as an attempt to hide from your wounds, because they will still be there, waiting for you like a time bomb. Healing happens in layers and there is no such thing as a perfect person. Celebrate your talents, gifts, creativity and humanness, treat your wounds with love and care.
I feel I ran out of time today with my painting. I needed to rest quite a bit this afternoon and then I went to yoga this evening. I painted backgrounds in pink and blue with a plastic palette brush then came back to it later. I used a compass to draw a circle pattern like the ones in some work I’ve been experimenting with on sacred geometry. I’d thought about doing this before but wasn’t sure as I’ve pretty much been working freehand, I wasn’t sure if this technique was ‘intuitive’, but I decided I was potentially imposing too many rules on myself. I painted a sort of large flower on the left page, possibly reminiscent of a lotus flower symbol. Anyway I feel I would have done more work on these paintings if I had more time, I wasn’t completely satisfied with them. See image (colour isn’t true as photographed in electric light).
So this is what I started writing about. I noticed this was my ‘black and white thinking’ kicking in so I had a good word with myself about keeping making positive steps towards things I want to do. Break them down into manageable steps, don’t get discouraged if things don’t go as you hoped, don’t give up when you feel rejected or like you failed. I told myself all the reasons it’s important for me to continue to peruse my interests and goals and to explore what is authentic to me ‘follow up on the clues as to who you are and why you might be here’. Remember if you don’t you withdraw and feel sad and depressed. But watch out for all of the voices including your own that try to talk you out of it. Try to persue for its own sake and not for external validation and recognition, because ultimately that is still looking for external acceptance because you feel ‘wrong or not enough’. Aim for change through growth and not as an attempt to hide from your wounds, because they will still be there, waiting for you like a time bomb. Healing happens in layers and there is no such thing as a perfect person. Celebrate your talents, gifts, creativity and humanness, treat your wounds with love and care.
I feel I ran out of time today with my painting. I needed to rest quite a bit this afternoon and then I went to yoga this evening. I painted backgrounds in pink and blue with a plastic palette brush then came back to it later. I used a compass to draw a circle pattern like the ones in some work I’ve been experimenting with on sacred geometry. I’d thought about doing this before but wasn’t sure as I’ve pretty much been working freehand, I wasn’t sure if this technique was ‘intuitive’, but I decided I was potentially imposing too many rules on myself. I painted a sort of large flower on the left page, possibly reminiscent of a lotus flower symbol. Anyway I feel I would have done more work on these paintings if I had more time, I wasn’t completely satisfied with them. See image (colour isn’t true as photographed in electric light).
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