Today it was quite challenging to get my journal pages and painting done. I travelled to Cheddar in Somerset today so this morning was getting ready and it was more that I didn’t have the energy rather than the time to write morning pages. It’s difficult to explain to someone who doesn’t have chronic fatigue syndrome how it is coping with limited energy and occasional dizziness, I often feel like my need for frequent rests makes me look lazy, I often feel guilty for being slow doing things or I get annoyed and frustrated with myself or the situation, especially if there’s a time deadline and I feel I’m being forced to meet it when really I’m pushing myself to or beyond the limit or I feel anxiety that I am. But that’s an aside. I did write my journal this afternoon and I felt it went quite well, despite feeling tired, I found the 3 pages easy to fill and the writing seemed to flow.
I also had some thoughts this morning which formed in my mind, so I wrote them down at the top of the page, I wrote- ‘Spiritual quest - the search for identity, connection, meaning and purpose on a deep and profound level. Maybe with some desire for magical super powers as well.’ Yesterday in a similar way I was inspired to write down, ‘Your inner strength is equal in depth to your deepest dispair.’
So after travelling, although a passenger and not driving, I felt pretty exhausted for a while this afternoon and had to rest. At around 6 o’clock I still hadn’t done my painting and I was worried that it wouldn’t get done, part of me was already trying to talk myself out of it. Like, no one cares if you don’t do it, you only set yourself this project, etc. Also I didn’t know where to set up to paint as we’re in a small cottage. I ended up sitting outside to paint and it was a really nice, calm atmosphere to be in. I was at one point worried it was starting to rain, but it held off and all was fine. I also realised today that this is quite an introverted project for me and I need some solitude and quiet to work in, so this might be an added difficulty for me over the next few days. Anyway here is an image of my painting, mostly blues and greens. Tranquil feeling I think. And the view from my painting table.
I also had some thoughts this morning which formed in my mind, so I wrote them down at the top of the page, I wrote- ‘Spiritual quest - the search for identity, connection, meaning and purpose on a deep and profound level. Maybe with some desire for magical super powers as well.’ Yesterday in a similar way I was inspired to write down, ‘Your inner strength is equal in depth to your deepest dispair.’
So after travelling, although a passenger and not driving, I felt pretty exhausted for a while this afternoon and had to rest. At around 6 o’clock I still hadn’t done my painting and I was worried that it wouldn’t get done, part of me was already trying to talk myself out of it. Like, no one cares if you don’t do it, you only set yourself this project, etc. Also I didn’t know where to set up to paint as we’re in a small cottage. I ended up sitting outside to paint and it was a really nice, calm atmosphere to be in. I was at one point worried it was starting to rain, but it held off and all was fine. I also realised today that this is quite an introverted project for me and I need some solitude and quiet to work in, so this might be an added difficulty for me over the next few days. Anyway here is an image of my painting, mostly blues and greens. Tranquil feeling I think. And the view from my painting table.
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